Eric's House Of Ego

I got a message over on FB a couple days ago asking if I was ok. I had been pretty much silent online. It's nice to have someone reach out. I feel really isolated most of the time. Lizzie is pretty much the only person I actually speak to.

The short answer is pretty good. I have gone through a bunch of testing the last month, two scans of my heart and a sleep test.

The first chest scan led to my favorite thing ever said about me. I understand that this is a medical term for everything looks fine at first glance, but if I ever do another solo record, I will call it this ...

Grossly Unremarkable.

It makes me giggle.

The scans seem to be OK, but I talk to the doctor in a month for the real diagnosis. The fact that he has not called me in early is a good sign.

The sleep test came out pretty much as expected. My sleep apnea has gotten worse. I will say that that night was the worst night sleep I have had in months. The night before or after may have had a different result, but, they know what they are doing.

We're taking a beating financially. We have a bit of extra money this month, so I was able to get rid of a lot of the little stuff, but we both still have two very large medical bills hanging out there with more coming.

Helvetica cracked a tooth. He is getting that dealt with in a month. More money going out.

So we are not traveling this year. No cons, except Icon which is local. We probably shouldn't do that.

I can get around a little better but I still can't walk very far. I want an electric trike so I can ride and pedal as much as I am capable of, but wow are they out of our price range.

Lizzie continues to work from home and I work from home part time, so we get a lot of time together. Yeah, we still like being around each other all the time.

I'm trying to get back to playing guitar, but it's hard. We have no shows, we have no way to record either album this year, all that drives the depression that made me stop in the first place. We're looking for local shows, just so we can get back to playing live. I think I have a location. There is an open mic at a coffee shop we have gone to a couple of times and they have a nice space. We'll see what they think. I am uncertain as to whether we can pull in an audience.

My granddaughter turned 3 last week. We have seen her twice in the last couple of weeks, and she is finally getting to know us. She ran across the room and gave both of us a hug. And there is another due in October.

My former father in law passed a month ago. I am sad that I had not seen him for quite some time, I liked him a lot.

I do comment and post on some groups on FB, but I hate it so much.

There was a Toyboat reunion of sorts at Demicon. Mike Nixon was playing a solo show, Random Fractions were playing as well, so Mike thought it would be fun if the 4 of us got together for the last half of his show. We called it Mayday. We weren't too awful, considering we had one rehearsal. I don't expect it to happen again, we're not traveling for awhile, and Cathy and Pat are moving out west sometime next year (I think).

So there ya go. Eric in a nutcas ... nutshell.

How are you?

I was in a wistful mood yesterday. gundo posted about Toyboat practice, then we all went to Guitar Center and I was foolish enough to go back into the drum room. I am shopping for a djembe (probably next year), but there are other drums in that room.

I miss playing the drums. I miss playing in Toyboat. And I have had 4 surgeries on my hands, and I don't want any more.

Yeah ... sigh.

I want a Handsonic 10, which would at least let me simulate the sound of a drum kit, but they are pricey. I want more hand drums, since I can play hand drums.

Doesn't change that I would love to be able to put a pair of sticks in my hands and pound away.

This is hard to write. Let me get right to the point, then some details. I am no longer a member of Toyboat. I have spent much of this year trying to get my drum chops back together after the surgery and my left hand just can't cut it. I can do rudiments, shuffles (for a little while) but if I try to play as needed in a band like Toyboat my left hand hurts, and it hurts a lot.

The Carpal Tunnel surgery did all that it should, I don't lose feeling in my fingers anymore. The Trigger Thumb surgery is the problem. It weakened my left hand. I don't want to damage myself any more than I have already. I don't want to find myself, in a couple of years, losing all of my ability to play music.

There are going to be some things said, I want to nip them in the bud right away.

This is not because of Cheshire Moon, this is not because of Lizzie. Cheshire Moon is the most satisfying thing I have ever done musically, but it does not match the sheer visceral insanity that is a Toyboat show (or rehearsal for that matter).

There is at least one person who has expressed anger at my playing shows with Cheshire Moon and "ignoring" Toyboat. In the time that I have been hurt, Mike broke his wrist. There wouldn't have been any shows anyway. Almost half the band was on the disabled list.

The more important thing about my playing shows with Cheshire Moon, it doesn't hurt. In fact my surgeons advice was, as soon as the bandages were off, to start playing stringed instruments as my therapy. Fretting with my left hand doesn't have the impact that hitting a snare drum does.

I will miss the drums, I will miss them so badly. I had just gotten started backing up other musicians with my little piccolo snare and a couple of cymbals. I have a full set of drums in my basement now. My kids will use them. I will want to and I won't be able to.

This is really hard. This band means so much to me. It started as a silly idea that I had and went further than I ever imagined. I will miss the rehearsals, the shows, the jokes, the twisted things we did to songs. I will miss being a part of that gang, because that is what a good band is.

Toyboat will continue. I want the second album. The newer songs are amazing. Keep tearing audiences up. I'll be in that audience when I can.

I've been asked a couple times in recent weeks about performing solo and songwriting so I thought I would address them.

I like to perform solo, but not enough to have a regular schedule of shows. Between Toyboat and Cheshire Moon and real life (I do have three kids ya'know) I'm a little busy. I don't seek out solo shows. I'm not going to. If someone wanted me to do a solo show, I most likely would, but I don't see that happening.

As for songwriting. In the last 5 years I think I have written 5 songs. A lot of my songwriting was fueled by strong negative emotions, especially the funny stuff. That isn't a part of me now. I'm looking for a different point of view, but it doesn't seem to be coming. I have two funny songs that need a bit of work. One I am going to hand over to a fellow songwriter, to see if he can doctor it up a bit. The other may just fall by the wayside. The others really aren't any good.

As soon as I remember to schedule it, there will be a nifty live version of Pine City Motel Blues up on the Fump (courtesy of the Mahtowa Folks Festival), and maybe the other song mentioned above. I do need a decent recorded version of FPN, I may get that done during the Cheshire Moon sessions. If that happens, it will show up on The Fump as well.

I don't write for Toyboat (except Would You Like To Play A Game). gundo and I were talking about that yesterday. Originally it was so Toyboat wouldn't be thought of as "Eric's band", since I was the best known person in the band. That has changed (except for one funny instance this week). Mike has become the primary lyricist, and usually the person who starts the music. gundo is the arranger, and the other person who starts the music. Raven, Jason and I are the facilitors. Once the basics are done, we all get together and start throwing things around. Having Raven in the band has changed the voice of the band a lot. It's fuller, and in a lot of ways more aggressive.

Between Mike and myself being hurt, Toyboat is, more or less, taking this year off. The new album is getting worked out, hopefully to release at Marcon next year. Mike is recovering. Starting in a couple weeks I go back to work on the drums. We're going to come back stronger.

But, back to the songwriting. More than anything, I don't write for Toyboat because my songwriting has always been a more personal thing than would fit in Toyboat. Game is actually a good example. It is very much about me and what I love. If I come up with anything else like that that is geekish, it will be a Toyboat song.

But words just aren't what I do at the moment. Everything I have to say is being said either with drumsticks or the various stringed instruments I play in Cheshire Moon.

Cheshire Moon. It really is the band I always wanted, but wasn't able to do on my own. Lizzie's magnificent voice and amazing words are something I could have never managed. That means, as a player, I can do the things that I always wanted to. Grander, larger, more cinematic. CM is very much about the imagery. Cheshire Moon satisfies my soul. I dig into my instruments and find myself.

Toyboat is the most fun I could have in a band. In rehearsal, on stage, it's just fun. Especially gundo and I. Watch us onstage. We get to be rockstars, at least in our heads. And the band just keeps getting better. We started as a cover band, and more and more it's about our songs. And it is very much our songs. I, jokingly, referred to us as an autonomous collective in an email this week (that funny instance mentioned above) but it's true. We don't have a leader. And that is a lot of what makes the band so good. Everyone contributes. I can't wait to get my hands back in shape, and back to rehearsal.

So, a morning ramble ... a bit self indulgent.

How are you this morning?

Yup, the entire show!

Even though I've known for weeks ...

Toyboat is SFContario's 2011 Filk Guest Of Honor.

Whew, it's good to get that off my chest finally.

I've been talking about this stuff over on FB this morning ... it's easier here.

Ok, I have been working since the first of the year to lose weight. I topped out at 315 late last year and it was doing terrible things to everything in my life. I am down to 277 the last two mornings, just a bit away from a full 40 lbs down. My goal is 50 by the end of the year, and another 50 by the end of next year. If I don't quite make the weight goal I will be happy, long as I am comfortable. Those of you who have seen Toyboat the last few months have seen the difference. We played a longer show at Musecon (about an hour 15) and I came off stage ready for more. The last year 50 minutes practically killed me. I could do it, but I was dead after.

Today I have on a new shirt, it is 2 sizes smaller than the shirts I have been wearing the last couple of years ... and it fits.

This weekend I finally got my house back in order. Instruments are out on stands as they should be, cases are put away, clothes are hung up, mail has been sorted and either filed or disposed of. I could actually let people into my place now.

This weekend is a reunion of the theater department I graduated from. It's going to be insane. It is also the reason I am missing OVFF, on a year when I really don't want to miss it. I am still amazed at the Pegasus nomination, I am deeply flattered and humbled that we were chosen for this. That said, I voted for s00j ... hey, I've been saying she was amazing for years now! 'bout time the rest of you caught up. Filk has really become a part of my family and it is so good to see others who I love welcome into that family. Kick ass next weekend sister!

And some of you know, and some have guessed, yes I am dating the lovely Lizzie. It's wonderful, fun, tricky. We have ups and downs, but mostly ups. We have found we got a lot more than either of us bargained for, and are so happy that we have. And just wait till you hear the music we are making. Cheshire Moon debuts at Duckon this summer, but I expect to have some demo tracks up on the net around the New Year.