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ericcolemanAnother weekend that was both rough and wonderful. I went into the weekend already burned out, neither Lizzie nor I had slept well the week before.
That, and I still have problems believing I belong, yeah, after all these years. I do tend to feel like an outsider most places, always have, so it really doesn't reflect on the community, just on my ability to cope. And depression has been a tough battle the last couple of years. Between illness and lots of personal things, it's been a battle. I'm getting better, but it's been a long slog.
So I spent much of the first two days kinda down (ok, really down). There were some moments. I've watched the video and saw just how well we did Child Of The Library. I'm very proud of our version, it's going to stay in the set for awhile.
We were too burned out to get to the circles Friday night, but we had been at the Thursday circle for a bit.
Saturday was fun, the first highlight was Joe Giacoio, who is a favorite … and who finally has a new CD out! And Heather and Ben's set was a delight.
We put a personalized version of Critters into the auction. It did ok, I kinda wanted it to make a bit more though.
A brief aside about the hotel. It was horrific. Too hot for most of the weekend, there was also, apparently, a mold problem. Oddly enough, the longer I was in our room, the worse I would feel, the longer I would be away from the room, the better I would feel. We're staying down the road from now on, a pain, but I won't put myself through that again.
Sunday was fun. We hit the stage with Leslie Hudson and Gary Hanak on Circus Of Dreams, then through Persephone and Boneman's Daughter.
I do want to thank Talis, Cat and Heather for their kind words. And someone said really nice things about my guitar playing, but I can' t remember who. I needed to hear good things this weekend (and there were some real ego boosts). Insecurities have been taking me down hard this year.
The jam was a blast. I was able to just put everything away and play guitar.
Overall, it was rough, but still a good weekend.
We're off the road until March. A good thing. The last two cons have showed me I don't have a lot of coping skills at the moment. I want to be out there making music (and we do have two shows between now and the end of the year), but I need time off.
That, and I still have problems believing I belong, yeah, after all these years. I do tend to feel like an outsider most places, always have, so it really doesn't reflect on the community, just on my ability to cope. And depression has been a tough battle the last couple of years. Between illness and lots of personal things, it's been a battle. I'm getting better, but it's been a long slog.
So I spent much of the first two days kinda down (ok, really down). There were some moments. I've watched the video and saw just how well we did Child Of The Library. I'm very proud of our version, it's going to stay in the set for awhile.
We were too burned out to get to the circles Friday night, but we had been at the Thursday circle for a bit.
Saturday was fun, the first highlight was Joe Giacoio, who is a favorite … and who finally has a new CD out! And Heather and Ben's set was a delight.
We put a personalized version of Critters into the auction. It did ok, I kinda wanted it to make a bit more though.
A brief aside about the hotel. It was horrific. Too hot for most of the weekend, there was also, apparently, a mold problem. Oddly enough, the longer I was in our room, the worse I would feel, the longer I would be away from the room, the better I would feel. We're staying down the road from now on, a pain, but I won't put myself through that again.
Sunday was fun. We hit the stage with Leslie Hudson and Gary Hanak on Circus Of Dreams, then through Persephone and Boneman's Daughter.
I do want to thank Talis, Cat and Heather for their kind words. And someone said really nice things about my guitar playing, but I can' t remember who. I needed to hear good things this weekend (and there were some real ego boosts). Insecurities have been taking me down hard this year.
The jam was a blast. I was able to just put everything away and play guitar.
Overall, it was rough, but still a good weekend.
We're off the road until March. A good thing. The last two cons have showed me I don't have a lot of coping skills at the moment. I want to be out there making music (and we do have two shows between now and the end of the year), but I need time off.
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no subject
Date: 2015-10-27 08:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-27 09:01 pm (UTC)Also, our music doesn't really fit Marscon. Generally our music hasn't gone over well in Minneapolis, not sure why.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-28 02:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-28 07:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-10-27 09:38 pm (UTC)And yeah, the problem with a gathering of misfits is that nobody feels like they belong on the inside, while everyone looks like they belong on the outside, and all we can do is sing warm squishy songs about community and hope that people believe we're singing to them and not everybody else, and then listen to other people sing warm squishy songs about community and be convinced that they are singing to everyone else and not us, personally.
And if we're lucky, we find one little circle where for a few minutes we think we actually do belong, and it's all warm and squishy and stuff.
And then as soon as it's over, start second-guessing about whether we really were fitting in or if it was an illusion.
I'll never get the hang of this human stuff, really.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-28 03:18 am (UTC)Of course that's also one of the things I don't like about mimmoths.
Some days you can't win.
*hugs you*
*hugs Eric and Lizzy too*
Depression
Date: 2015-10-28 01:20 am (UTC)It's been a good long while since I saw you guys and I don't know when I'll be able to go to cons again. My journey into and through darkness has not ended quite yet. Take care of yourselves and be patient with your illnesses. Take the time you need to feel better. I've had to reinvent my life since 2012; you two have each other, which has to be your strong positive that will get you through.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-28 03:23 am (UTC)If it makes you feel any better, 1) I feel insecure sometimes too 2) you and Lizzie are excellent performers, fluent and fluid songwriters, and lovely listeners.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2015-10-28 04:30 am (UTC)I wish you the best with the depression.
no subject
Date: 2015-10-29 04:49 pm (UTC)On the theme of "it wasn't just me", you're right about OVFF. The first time I came, I was a drop in a maelstrom, not knowing that many people. The whole experience was very overloady & deer-in-the-headlights. Add in non-walkable food, & I didn't go back for over a dozen years. When I did go back, I was afraid of the same loneliness, but saw several con-friends who actively wanted to hang out with me. Out of the 3 couples, one has already said they're not coming back, as they felt no-one went out of their way to reciprocate friendly gestures. If you've got depression on top of all that, it's definitely a Thing.
I enjoyed you in the circle Thursday, & your sampler concert rocked socks. You should definitely not only keep "Child of the Library" in your set, but also put it on bandcamp for me to buy.
Your guitar-playing is excellent. When I showed a Toyboat set on youtube to my Croatian, metal-head e-pal, your playing was the aspect that fired her up the most.
The jam was fabulous; I wanted to love it, squeeze it, & take it home. The dead-dog, otoh, was rather spread out & distancing. Everybody was already off in their own heads.
I present as fairly confident, but held onto insecurities for over a dozen years. If I can feel that way, you can, too. Just remember the true meaning behind the event: we all rock socks, & we are all Groot.