Sometimes I love my job

[ericcoleman]

phone rings

Me: "This is Eric, can I help you?"

The Guy On The Phone: "Can I talk to the guy in the back who orders the maintenance supplies?"

Me: "Can you tell me who you talked to?"

TGOTP: "I can't remember his name, he's in the back."

This went on, with several variations for about a minute. He finally surrendered a name, this being Steve. There is no Steve here.

Me: "You're just fishing aren't you?

TGOTP: "No I'm not, and you're not getting my business" At least I think he said business, he was already hanging up the phone. I love these guys. They always brighten my day. If they are a Toner Phoner, I generally tell them to call the corporate office and give them the National Toner Fraud Hotline.

Comments

[stephanieb.livejournal.com]

There's a National Toner Fraud Hotline? I need that!
I always just tell them that we have a contract and see how quickly they hang up.

[ericcoleman]

I have several numbers that I send them to, but I would recommend this one, 877-382-4357

It's the Federal Trade Commission fraud line.

[alymid.livejournal.com]

that is rockin excellent!!! But of course if I transfered them, I wouldn't get the fun of torturing them - letting them think I am going to fall for it, and then reaming them out on the phone.

[ntrlstgrl.livejournal.com]

"No I'm not, and you're not getting my business"

LOL

My thougth would have been..."Buddy...YOU called US doing a sales fishing call...and now WE'RE not getting YOUR business? Oh that's hilarious."

Moron.

[tigertoy.livejournal.com]

Uh, "toner phoner"? That means something on your planet?

[ntrlstgrl.livejournal.com]

LOL Yes, but it's Eric's planet...so it can mean whatever he wants it to mean in his warped little brain.

*ducks and runs*

(We were like this last weekend at his gig, too...hee hee hee!)

[ericcoleman]

It's my planet, and I'll name things as I want to, name things as I want to

You'd name things too, if this planet belonged to you

[ntrlstgrl.livejournal.com]

I am the salesman Sam
Salesman Sam I am I am
I sold toner to the guy next door
He's happier with costs than ever before

[ericcoleman]

Yup ... and in much of the business world.

A toner phoner will call a place of business and try to get them to order toner REALLY REALLY cheap.

When you get the toner, IF you get the toner, it is inferior product, and you are billed 100s of dollars for it. There is a good description of it here

[stephanieb.livejournal.com]

Yup, any receptionist or other person who answers a business or department phone will be happy to bitch about it to you if you ask. They usually say "I'm calling about the copier" or something like that that's supposed to make you think that they're your copier service company, or that they have a prior vendor relationship with your firm. Then they try to sell you crappy or nonexistent toner for lowlow prices.

I usually can get 'em off just by saying that we have a contract for our toner, but if they keep at it they get permahold.

[ericcoleman]

low low prices, but enormous shipping costs

[stephanieb.livejournal.com]

Of course!

[alymid.livejournal.com]

My favorite was "Hey this is Rita from the floor, I just need the model number for the copier, could you get that for me?"

I worked at a company with 4 people (including me) at the time, and our only copier was the fax machine . . .

These are my favorite people to torture on the phone. . .

speaking of torturing folks on the phone

[ericcoleman]

Remind me to run through the complete scenario when someone calls offering a "$10,000 small business credit card". It's best when you hear it.

[stephanieb.livejournal.com]

"Rita from the floor:" "Hey, this is Rita from the floor, I just need the model number for the copier, could you get that for me?"

me: Oh, sure! Let me put you on hold for just a minute!

*"Rita" holds until my phone beeps the "you have a person on hold" beep*

me: I'm so sorry, I'm swamped with calls. Can you hold on for just another minute

*"Rita" thinks she has a live one and continues to hold*

repeat

repeat

me: I'm so sorry, I just can't get up right now and look that up. Do you have a number where I can call you back when I have a chance?

"Rita from the floor:" click

[pisica.livejournal.com]

I only ever got a toner call once (and when I said to the main secretary, I need to get the number from the copy machine, she explained it to me and then the people hung up) but I've dreamed of being able to do just what you do....

[stephanieb.livejournal.com]

Some think this makes me sick and wrong, but torturing pushy telemarketers is one of the fun bits of my job. (let me be clear; I am not rude to them unless they are pushy, rude or dishonest themselves. I know that's a shitty job.)

I also think it's kind of cool how good I've gotten at identifying them. I can pick it up in the first sentence about 80% of the time, even when they know an employee name and pronounce it properly. Gotcha, sucker!

We have a junk voicemail box which we can stick salespeople into. I sweetly announce that the person they're looking for is unavailable; do they want his/her voicemail? Most hang up then, but some take me up on it. We check it every so often; it's never been anything other than junk. But I do love the perma-hold game, if I have time.

Ah,simple pleasures.

[bdunbar.livejournal.com]

Me: "You're just fishing aren't you?

My answer is now the same.

"We no longer make those choices for service X - it's been outsourced to our IT office in Penang, Malaysia."

Then I give them the number for the loading dock in one of our assembly plants there. I feel pretty safe because no one is going to make the long distance call and if they do to a man the crew there speak - at best - rote English.

[ericcoleman]

heeeee ... I like it