The State Of The Eric - more fluctuations.

[ericcoleman]

More about last week. There is apparently something in my bloodwork that indicates that I am likely heading towards a heart attack. My previous doctor put bandaids on things. When I hurt my back a few years ago, he gave me pain meds, didn’t send me for PT. I did that myself, and got over the back problems. I still go to the chiropractor regularly, and it really helps me.

This doctor wants to get in front of things. So I am waiting on a call for a chest scan, and a stress test … the chemical kind, since I can’t really move much at this moment. That sounds weird, they plug a line into your arm and suddenly your heart sounds like the ghost of Gene Krupa with an overhead cam and glass packs (thank you Tom Waits). It's gonna be weird.

This also means that some things we wanted to do we have to postpone. We’re hoping that it doesn’t interfere with Demicon. It’s one of only two shows this year.

Mentally I am still struggling. I still don’t want to pick up a guitar, even though we have a show in just a little over a month. It reminds me of the isolation which we still deal with in a lot of ways. We have no social life. I have very little joy in my life at the moment, and I am struggling to find some. Lizzie does what she can, but I am darn hard to deal with when I am like this.

I have tons of music written for the synth project, but still no words. I could have an entire album done, if I could just find the story I want to tell.

My job is tenuous. My boss has said that the reason I was kept on when the company did the quarantine layoffs was because he knew we had just bought our house 6 months before. I don’t really do anything, but I get paid fairly well. I need to make it 2ish more years, so I can claim the second tier of SS payments. I am not going to wait another 6 to get the full benefits. Fortunately Lizzie’s job is going extremely well.

It’s constant frustration now. I want to get moving, but I don't seem to be able to.

Comments

[bibliofile]

Sounds like a decent doctor, anyway. Figuring out issues before they kill you? Priceless.

You know that lack of motivation is also a symtpom, right?

<3 <3 <3

[ericcoleman]

I know the cause of that. It is the months of playing online shows in 2020. Playing for the Brady Bunch burned me out.

[wyld_dandelyon]

The question is, is that the only reason you have no motivation, or is some health stuff also involved in creating or complicating things. That's a question for you and your doc to consider, not me, of course.

But I can at least wish you well in getting healthier and getting over that burnout!

[we_are_spc]

Same wishes from all of us here.

Health is priceless, nd burn out sucks. :(

Here's from all the SPC to you.

-T~

[madfilkentist]

The first thing to focus on is getting your health back. If other things slip because of that, it's fine.

[wyld_dandelyon]

I am glad to hear you've found a better doctor. I wish you the best of luck in all of that health stuff, and hope it won't mess up Demicon for you.

Sympathy on the guitar thing, and on still feeling so isolated. If we weren't so dang far away, I'd offer to visit. I count myself so very lucky that I can find so much joy in connecting with people online and especially in the zoom filks. But it's not as good as being in a room and being able to actually have people join in on your songs and you join in on theirs.

It's exciting that you have so much synth music.

Good luck with the job situation!

[we_are_spc]

You closer to me, and we're still too far away. I'd love to find a way to come visit, and fool around with some instruments with you, wyld_dandelyon, but dammit the expense. :(

But I'll join you in the sentiments at least.

-T~

[wyld_dandelyon]

It would be fun!

[wyld_dandelyon]

How many hours is it from your place to Milwaukee?

[ericcoleman]

About 6 hours

[mdlbear]

Some of those problems sound all too familiar. Congrats on finding a good doctor -- that's huge.

Best of luck.

[we_are_spc]

Awe yhell man :( *tigerhugs* We gunna be here when ye need us-FBmessag/what'sApp (If ya use that shit) us if ya be needin' an ear, yeah? Miss ya loads, dude. <3

-Jay~

[filkerdave]

I approve of you being alive. I'm glad they're addressing that first!

[gorgeousgary]

Sorry to hear about the health and job woes. Good to hear the new doc seems to have a clue.

Given the 2022 *we* had I understand about struggling mentally and not always feeling up to making music (or even having time for it in my case) or feeling much joy. Things are looking up for us, hopefully they'll turn around for y'all soon as well.

[filkferengi]

I'm sorry you're struggling, but glad you're posting again.