Hmmm ...

[ericcoleman]

So it seems that the last contest was a little tough ... no one even tried.

Let's make it a little more simple.

The basic structure of Nothing is a limerick (at least in the rhyme scheme).

So, post your favorite limerick, and the best three (IMNSHO) will get a copy of this disc.

I think it would be safe to assume that some of the comments may not be safe for work.

Comments

[jblaque.livejournal.com]

A pirate, history relates
Was scuffling with some of his mates
When he slipped on a cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates

[partiallyclips.livejournal.com]

Nymphomaniacal Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And her asshole in Buckingham Palace.

[shadowcat48li.livejournal.com]

There once was a mathematician named Klein
who thought the Moebius strip was divine
he said with a whist,
if you give it a twist
you get a strange little bottle like mine

[shadowcat48li.livejournal.com]

if we end up needing more, I found my Oscar Brand recording of "The Limerick Song"

chorus
Aye Aye Aye
In china they do it for chili
oh sing me another verse thats worse than the last verse
and waltz me around by my willie

sing a limerick to the obvious tune
sing another chorus

theres another version where the chorus insults a member of somebodys family
"your mother swims out to meet troopships" among other things instead of in china line

[sweetmusic-27.livejournal.com]

Some young men from Aberystwyth
Looked for someone to play whist with.
But the whist was a fable,
For under the table,
They played with the things that they pissed with.

[jcw-da-dmg.livejournal.com]

A fellow once took a great notion
to swallow a potent love potion
he took but two sips
and when they crossed his lips
he lost the ability to rhyme

My favorite limerick

[controuble.livejournal.com]

There was a mean witch of the Rhone
Who cursed an old harlot named Joan
Not a man was amused
Au contraire, they were bruised
For they found she'd been plugged up with stone.

[ravenclaw-eric.livejournal.com]

There was a young woman named Golda
Whose lovers grew colder and colder.
For during love-making
She'd sing the earth-shaking
Love theme from Tristan und Isolde.

A woman in South Carolina
Placed fiddle strings 'cross her vagina.
With the proper sized cocks
What was sex became Bach's
Toccata and Fugue in D Minor.

--Both by Isaac Asimov.

[barondave.livejournal.com]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his money in a bucket
His daughter named Nan
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket

He followed the pair to Pawtucket
The man and the girl and the bucket
He said to the man,
"Well, you can keep Nan"
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket

Then there's the joke about The Dirtiest Limerick In The World Contest, but that really has to be told out loud...

[zanda-myrande.livejournal.com]

A writer named William Thackeray
Confessed "What I write is just hackery.
I pen it on trains
Taking no kind of pains
Just to keep me in gin and tobackery."

Oh very well...

[jannyblue.livejournal.com]

I'm assuming you didn't want original limericks here. And I can't pick just one, since my "favorite" changes depending on my mood... So here's 3:

My version of the "meta" one:

A Limerick packs laughs anatomical
In a space that is quite economical
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical

The "dirty" one:

A mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball,
And the cube of its weight
Times his pecker's, plus eight
Is his phone number -- give him a call.

The "clean" one:

There once was a man from Calcutta
Who had a most terrible stutter:
He said "Pass the h-ham,
and the j-j-j-jam,
and the b-b-b-b-b-b-butter"