I've never known anyone to die of AIDS, but I have had friends die fairly young. My friend Ozzie in AZ died of a heart attack in his mid 40's. He was a roommate of Leslie Fish, who cleared out and auctioned his stuff after he died. I'd been waiting for him to call me back. Eventually, I called his cell, and got no response. Pager, no response. E-mail, no response. Wasn't looking good... Postcard... no response. I knew he wasn't in the best health. Terribly overweight. Diabetes. I'd driven him around after glaucoma surgery. I sort of expected the worst. about 2 years later, I went to a Duckon, and somebody said they were from Phoenix. I asked if they knew Ozzie. They said he'd died of a heart attack in the bathtub after talking to somebody on the phone. Eek, I can only wonder if it was me... It certainly wasn't easy even 2 years later, finding out on a Father's Day weekend.
Had another friend, maybe a couple years before that, also in Phoenix. Went to school with his roommate. We were on the same BBS systems, went to the SCA meetings, he was in the Battletech club, went to cons. One day, Kevin came into class, and said he was dropping out because his roommate had died. I knew he had two roomies, and I was shocked when he said 28 year old Bob had died of kidney failure in his sleep.
I got a giant WTF about 6 months later. I logged on to one of the BBS systems, and got an e-mail from Bob. "Hey Sciffster! Saw you driving around in your truck the other day, jamming to the beat! Kevin told me you'd said hello. Drop by if you're in the neighborhood!" Er... but he's been dead for 6 months. :( I contacted the SysOp, only to confirm, it was the last message he ever sent before laying down for that nap...
But this story gets even more WTF. Here I am, all these years later, and I still remembered my friend. Then I ended up on the #dementia channel of IRC on EFNet. I met a bunch of people from Phoenix, and we talked about the good old days. Eventually, one of them said that when he turns 18, he's going to change his name, because he hates what his mom stuck him with. He'd never mentioned before then that he was adopted. He told his birth name, and I said that's funny, my friend had the same last name. He told me his dad's name. I told him my friend's name. Only the middle name was different. He said his dad died in 1989 of a heart attack, at age 28. Er, my friend was in 1989 of kidney failure at age 28, but this is a hell of a coincidence. His mom eventually woke up from her nap, and they dug out the death certificate. It turned out my memory was better than the mother's. I got the name right, but while they had originally thought it was kidney faiure (due to him having some kidney stones removed), he had actually died of a heart attack. After I told other stories about the guy, they were certain I'd known his father. When he sent me a link to photos of himself, I was certain they were related. I can only wonder if Bob knew before he died... or maybe she told him, and that's when he had the heart attack. :P I can only assume that if Bob and her weren't living together, that he was likely kicked out, possibly because she was pregnant, which would also explain why I never knew there was a kid out there. Kinda weird to be friends with the kid now though!
Then you've got other things that aren't quite the same, but maybe closer to AIDS. I've got a grandma with Alzheimers. I remember how she used to be, and it's nothing like the way she is now. You know she'll die eventually, you know it gets worse all the time. Everyone is just waiting for it to be over, for the pain to end. It's not the shock of a heart attack, but maybe it's sadder, because you have to watch for years, knowing how it will end.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-12-03 06:37 pm (UTC)Had another friend, maybe a couple years before that, also in Phoenix. Went to school with his roommate. We were on the same BBS systems, went to the SCA meetings, he was in the Battletech club, went to cons. One day, Kevin came into class, and said he was dropping out because his roommate had died. I knew he had two roomies, and I was shocked when he said 28 year old Bob had died of kidney failure in his sleep.
I got a giant WTF about 6 months later. I logged on to one of the BBS systems, and got an e-mail from Bob. "Hey Sciffster! Saw you driving around in your truck the other day, jamming to the beat! Kevin told me you'd said hello. Drop by if you're in the neighborhood!" Er... but he's been dead for 6 months. :( I contacted the SysOp, only to confirm, it was the last message he ever sent before laying down for that nap...
But this story gets even more WTF. Here I am, all these years later, and I still remembered my friend. Then I ended up on the #dementia channel of IRC on EFNet. I met a bunch of people from Phoenix, and we talked about the good old days. Eventually, one of them said that when he turns 18, he's going to change his name, because he hates what his mom stuck him with. He'd never mentioned before then that he was adopted. He told his birth name, and I said that's funny, my friend had the same last name. He told me his dad's name. I told him my friend's name. Only the middle name was different. He said his dad died in 1989 of a heart attack, at age 28. Er, my friend was in 1989 of kidney failure at age 28, but this is a hell of a coincidence. His mom eventually woke up from her nap, and they dug out the death certificate. It turned out my memory was better than the mother's. I got the name right, but while they had originally thought it was kidney faiure (due to him having some kidney stones removed), he had actually died of a heart attack. After I told other stories about the guy, they were certain I'd known his father. When he sent me a link to photos of himself, I was certain they were related. I can only wonder if Bob knew before he died... or maybe she told him, and that's when he had the heart attack. :P I can only assume that if Bob and her weren't living together, that he was likely kicked out, possibly because she was pregnant, which would also explain why I never knew there was a kid out there. Kinda weird to be friends with the kid now though!
Then you've got other things that aren't quite the same, but maybe closer to AIDS. I've got a grandma with Alzheimers. I remember how she used to be, and it's nothing like the way she is now. You know she'll die eventually, you know it gets worse all the time. Everyone is just waiting for it to be over, for the pain to end. It's not the shock of a heart attack, but maybe it's sadder, because you have to watch for years, knowing how it will end.