Ghosts

[ericcoleman]

I want your input into this song. It can be heard at my My Space page.

starstraf asked me about this when I first posted a link to the song. It's a song about a little town dying out slowly and my mourning of this. In it there is a mention of Walmart making it impossible for the town to ever thrive again. I am worried that this will unbalance the song. The song is not about Walmart, since it had nothing to do with the demise of the town, but the reaction to the verse has been mixed. Below the cut I have two versions of the lyrics, the original, and a rewrite with the Walmart verse cut out. What do you think?

[Poll #825049]



First Version

Ghosts

The Smoke Shop boys are cooling down on the street tonight
in their best saturday night clothes
they were playing pool in the one place in town
where no decent woman would ever go

The county folk have all parked their cars
and on saturday night what they do for fun
stand out on the corner and watch the town go by
The light shines through them because they're 20 years gone

CHORUS
And I'm walking through the ghost of this old town
It's saturday night, this street should be packed
not a live person can be found
And I'm walking down this street that's filled with ghosts
It's just a picture left over in my mind and somehow it's still home

And there's a ghost of a bridge over the river
and boards on the door of most everywhere else
Robertson Parris, where my grandma worked
there are no more clothes there on the shelf

The buses still run down to Charleston
but no one ever goes
The businesses here can never open again
cause there's a Wal-Mart down the road

CHORUS

My great uncle Tater's grocery store
was behind those boards over there
And the Roxy closed ten years ago
we got DVDs so we don't care

I take my Smoke Shop chili and a bottle of dew
and I eat while I watch TV
There's this little town that's 20 years gone
just the ghosts and me

CHORUS

Second Version

Ghosts

The Smoke Shop boys are cooling down on the street tonight
in their best saturday night clothes
they were playing pool in the one place in town
where no decent woman would ever go

The county folk have all parked their cars
and on saturday night what they do for fun
stand out on the corner and watch the town go by
The light shines through them because they're 20 years gone

CHORUS
And I'm walking through the ghost of this old town
It's saturday night, this street should be packed
not a live person can be found
And I'm walking down this street that's filled with ghosts
It's just a picture left over in my mind and somehow it's still home

And there's a ghost of a bridge over the river
and boards on the door of most everywhere else
Robertson Parris, where my grandma worked
there are no more clothes there on the shelf

My great uncle Tater's grocery store
was behind those boards over there
And the Roxy closed nearly ten years ago
we got DVDs so we don't care

CHORUS

I take my Smoke Shop chili and a bottle of dew
and I eat while I watch TV
There's this little town that's 20 years gone
just the ghosts and me

CHORUS

Comments

[bammba-m.livejournal.com]

i only say cut the lyric because it seems like you want to focus more on the lament for the town and less on the evil giant box corporation and are in fear for your song to be turned into a voice against giant evil corporations.

[geekymary.livejournal.com]

Why don't you change it from "Wal-Mart" to "big store" or "big box" or some other phrase that will imply Wal Mart without using the actual name?

[billroper]

What about this?

The buses still run down to Charleston
But no one ever goes.
The action's all down by the Interstate now.
The stores here long since closed.

The song

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

I think geekymary (whom I am not acquainted with) has an excellent idea. If one mentions Wal-Mart by name, it's just a bit too easy to hear the whole song as a protest song against Wal-Mart. I'd go with "big store." If not, deleting that verse would be second best. It's a nice long lyric (and a powerful one) without it.

Nate B.

[wyngarde.livejournal.com]

Walmart is too much of a hot button these days. People will either bash it or defend it and then go shop there with out telling anyone they are going. ;) They will focus on that part and try to make the song about Walmart as opposed to memories and changing times.

I think it's beautiful song and adding Walmart takes away the 'love letter' feel to it, if that makes sense.

I remeber in The Nick Atoms days the pages of things we'd cut out to get a song 'Juuuuust right!'

Good luck, pal!

[wylderwolf.livejournal.com]

I gave the song a listen.

And I personally feel that the Walmart line doesn't detract from the message. By the same token, the inclusion of one fairly iconic word in the lyrics can cause people to get the wrong impression.

But I like the newly suggested lyric from billroper. And it's powerful imagery.

[emiofbrie.livejournal.com]

After reading Bill's idea, now I want to change my vote to "change it"...

I initially voted "keep it" because after playing the song on Revenge I loved it, but Bill's suggestion of a more general lyric says the same thing without mentioning anyone in particular. It's ace! :)